KP targeted by underground Militia

KP looks on as Brisbane begins to hate him. What’s behind the sentiment. What are the facts?

When KP left Brisbane – he didn’t just head-off – he left a cesspool of hatred which ran deep. The reporter we call THE RODENT didn’t go far to find out how deep. Within the shadow of THE GABBA itself at a foreign language event with beer – a group had a photo-copy of KP setup on a dartboard for its Saturday arvo big comp. The place was schooner to schooner.

Contestants were lining up to be part-of-it – and the BULLSEYE was the KP GRIN with a bonus 25 for penetrating either eyeball. The crowd wanted to get on a plane and go find him. When the next dart went straight into his nipple the place went volcanic.

THE RODENT trapped a games-man inside the para-dunny and asked – “why the KP boil-over”? – The man had nothing. He was devoid. He didn’t know why. The Rodent asked “this has the feel of an organised rabble – what do you say”? The man almost snapped his finger off in the hand-blower as he slithered out at speed.

The next day The Rodent received an email from an extension group who had setup an ECOM SITE selling Voodoo figure-ens of KP with his tattoo’s scalped and peeled back. It was like POLIO was back among-st us.

As this story was gathering muster – THE FIZZA felt the pangs of compromise as detailed emails kept arriving. They revealed the KP travel diary while under a major network payroll. The Fizza IT dept. gave us a street address to go with an IP address and we were there late. We felt the need to take what we knew and save KP. We entered the hotel – telling front-house – “we are here to save a man from himself – and possible militia reprisal”.

As the hotel chain co-operated we burst into D347 – no KP – plenty of sodden towels – used fake tan bottles – a half empty brandy canister – a local map of Kingscross and a diy dartboard arrangement with a photocopy of Shane with 12 darts in so deep we couldn’t wrench them out.

Then the landline rang – we answered – it was KP. He had fled to Bali because of explicit threats made on his life – he was watching us on a security app. He said he will never return to Brisbane unless the money is good enough.


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