Who in Australian Cricket needs to go?

When Bancroft “the patsy” sand-papered the ball he destroyed a 100 years of sporting pedigree but did he foresee the individual human impact as he drove the evidence into his crutch-guard.

The sordid mix of off-field sledging – on-field spite and hatred for the South African accent will result in erstwhile heros being consigned to an Aussie sporting graveyard – but what about Trevor? – and what about the tacit role the board has played while appearing exonerated?

Trevor X was on an interstate bus when the “tampering broke”. He was low on bucks and could hardly afford the sojourn to Richmond he dream’t of for years. A view of the MCG and possibly a tour for a Dubbo boy-turned-adult-now-40 was everything when backyard cricket was also everything.

The Fizza has traced his steps not 24 hours old. Trevor was sighted at a roadside-stop boomerang display just north of the Victorian border when the news burbled out of a pox-tele mounted above the cash register.

Buying donuts for the excitement ahead he stopped dead as a major network dummy on air-time bonuses delivered the news.

As he spiraled downwards unable to complete the paywave transaction he staggered towards the hazy impression of the transit coach in painful slow motion. As he passed the diesel bowser he grabbed the petrol tank insert sleeve and drove it deep into his throat and pumped $47 dollars worth of fuel before staff took notice..

By this point Trevor had convulsed – writhing on the cement while diesel leached from every cavity.

In Melbourne meanwhile, backstage board crisis talks attended by a protected source believes mutterings about culture were being institutionally hosed down as Trevor lay under the watch of the regional health system.

As we write a mp3 file has arrived in multiple Fizza inboxes labelled for urgent listen. Playback doesn’t reveal names but what we hear appears to be a backroom discussion involving people in the KNOW. And what they seem to know is – ” if you are on big cricket money you are expected to do anything and everything to WIN”.

We at THE FIZZA maintain no-one cares that much about losing unless it is a good captain and good vice captain and Bancroft.