LOCAL NEWS: A Green Acres woman was at home manipulating Bitcoin when a degenerate entered her home through a sliding door on the patio.
Of Balkan appearance he came brandishing a carving knife used for gutting Wild Forest Pigs.
She didn’t bother asking his intentions and drove a ride-on-mower axle deep into his knee – as she moved with stealth across some rustic floorboards.
Once he was immobile – she dropped like a rock and brought the leg of a chair down straight through his cods – and finished by busting a casserole dish through his shin bone.
The man attempted to crawl to the door with the bottom half of his left leg dangling as if a twig.
At last reports his good ankle had been shackled to some heavy tow equipment.
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