Dirty Bird – the Roll-Out

A national online petition will “kick-off” in coming days asking parents whose children are obese – “to reject the Australian roll-out of DIRTY BIRD”.

The PANIC IS ON – Dirty Bird the brainchild of an Indian conglomerate specialises in delivering high cholesterole chicken to the masses using old oil and a frying technique which has lifted millions from starvation but seen the early death of millions.

In preparation the Australian health community awareness group “Brittle Arse” is working on a series of showcase actions aimed at the DIRTY BIRD slaughter of 6 week old chooks. Communications between Ushma Chunguulurini – Dirty Bird’s man in Aus – and undisclosed batteries in the hills beyond Coonabarabran have come to The Fizza unredacted.

It reveals an Australia wide network of Chook pens dispensing an aging hormone – that brings-on muscle tissue AND PITHY-BULK. Done so without oversight and policy rigor – chooks can now be ready for parking-lot consumption in a few weeks. We can also reveal the company is set to revolutionise the sector as it gets close to perfecting a high yield variant – one which will provide high levels of protein 2 days after birth.

As the battle-lines are drawn Dirty Bird’s murky business will go under the spotlight says – Brenda Baste – a “Brittle Arse” operative whose own daughter topped 200kilos before leaving school.

As we goto print word reaches The FIZZA about the demise of Ushma. It would seem in an unlikely scenario Ushma was discovered by a major network AD EXEC – bloated and crispy – floating in a car-full of heated chip oil in the basement of a Pt. Piper apartment complex. It has been further revealed that as Ushma tried to start the air-tight Maserati – the doors had been auto-locked remotely as a previously unseen foaming-oil was pumped from a repository in the boot. The temperature similar to that of a chip-cooker had immediately basted Ushma as he struggled to escape.

DB preparing to go public with a new head of operations already appointed – are believed to be holding the line that low quality food consumption which burdens the Health budget is the right of all citizens.