Found blue behind the wheel of his car – a man in Melbourne’s South East had a kilo of corn-chips stuffed into his mouth and gaffa tape wrapped from forehead to chin when found in a take-away parking lot 24 hours after being deceased.

Authorities – scratching their heads that a day of hamburger – pizza sales and skateboarding had continued while the man from South Sudan sat stone-dead in his getz – head sticking through the sun hole without the alarm sounded.

Further investigation suggests the crime was CAR-JACKING PAYBACK by an emerging grass-roots white surpremicist group getting a toehold in Australia’s multi-cultural heartland.

The Fizza tracked down a sick-puppy-member in a weird bar on the outskirts. Covered in throat tattoos the man and his girlfriend told us his grand mother had been left with a carved imprint of Somalia on her forward after a home invasion at her low-set bungalow by Sudanese. He went on stating – “his skinhead cousin visiting from Middlesborough, UK had been dragged from his hire car in an off-license parking-lot and a swastika tattoo removed with a knife handled by a pack of Sudanese youth.

An un-named source in a support services agency in the area maintains the epidemic is structural in nature and will scale. Continuing the advocate suggests – the system is “white western patronage at its worst” compounded by puerile understanding across government while Multiculturalism is glorified as in an advanced state-of-play.

As the Ambos cut the man out of the Getz – a gallery of obese-onlookers threw double-stack-burgers in an excited fervor. As our reporter removed lettuce and mayo from her gaberdine.